We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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