haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize