I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
