I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
dude. I can hear the air.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
