i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
