Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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