i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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