i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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