This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
