I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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