hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
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Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
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Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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