It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize