you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
