Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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