She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize