I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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