How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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