I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
