And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
