U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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