I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
