But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Randomize