there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
