Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
