she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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