I'm eating all of the evidence.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
