wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
