i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
