Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
