your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I love you. Go after that dick
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
