were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
