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2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
this will be a night to untag.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
