I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
