You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
