Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
