i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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