Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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