Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
