Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
