No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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