I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
