You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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