I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
