I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
