I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
