I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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