the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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