We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
