Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
His hands were made for my vagina.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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