Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
