capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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