I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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