Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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