yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
