she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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