I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
