suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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