I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
