Don't make out with my wife yet
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think my fart just growled at me.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
