It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
