So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
