Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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