Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
