Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
