hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
