my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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