We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
