I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
