Umm I'm too high to move.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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