I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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