Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?

(269): View more from Michigan

Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.

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(757): If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans? (269): Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass. http://tfl.nu/u35z

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(913): View more from Kansas

I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.

(402): View more from Nebraska

Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?

(913): View more from Kansas

Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.

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(913): I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body. (402): Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days? (913): Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm. http://tfl.nu/rpz1

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung

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(413): i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung http://tfl.nu/rtj3

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(314): View more from Missouri

No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.

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(314): No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone. http://tfl.nu/hhkp

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(330): View more from Ohio

Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.

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(330): Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT. http://tfl.nu/98ye

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(519): View more from Ontario

When you wake up, I have rum and am in town

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(519): When you wake up, I have rum and am in town http://tfl.nu/jlrs

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(210): View more from Texas

I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job

(917): View more from New York City

You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.

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(210): I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job (917): You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth. http://tfl.nu/dvgd

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(216): View more from Ohio

ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.

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(216): ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time. http://tfl.nu/5061

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.

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(402): I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire. http://tfl.nu/9p46

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(907): View more from Alaska

Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.

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(907): Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen. http://tfl.nu/l4cq

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(905): View more from Ontario

Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.

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(905): Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well. http://tfl.nu/5evy

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(574): View more from Indiana

I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.

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(574): I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her. http://tfl.nu/9498

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(217): View more from Illinois

The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..

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(217): The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car.. http://tfl.nu/pl9j

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(865): View more from Tennessee

No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.

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(865): No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing. http://tfl.nu/ca26

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(425): View more from Washington

It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that

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(425): It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that http://tfl.nu/4xxj

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