Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
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I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
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He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.