she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update