someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.