does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.