Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
