Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
