Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face

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  (202): just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while (202): woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face http://tfl.nu/fujm
  Replies (11) Good night (1013) Bad night (3459)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?

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  (845): Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn? http://tfl.nu/bm5d
  Replies (11) Good night (6985) Bad night (1316)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...

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  (517): She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name... http://tfl.nu/ngxr
  Replies (17) Good night (4980) Bad night (1038)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water

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  (919): I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water http://tfl.nu/62v1
  Replies (2) Good night (560) Bad night (1731)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.

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  (616): Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing. http://tfl.nu/tiqf
  Replies (2) Good night (1395) Bad night (560)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.

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  (770): I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle. http://tfl.nu/skko
  Replies (0) Good night (971) Bad night (426)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me

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  (443): She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me http://tfl.nu/42gf
  Replies (3) Good night (1287) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED

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  (914): THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED http://tfl.nu/eqdp
  Replies (6) Good night (1710) Bad night (466)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah

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  (864): Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah http://tfl.nu/n16g
  Replies (2) Good night (863) Bad night (345)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.

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  (704): I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter. http://tfl.nu/63zf
  Replies (3) Good night (736) Bad night (382)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday

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  (318): I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday http://tfl.nu/jc5x
  Replies (1) Good night (576) Bad night (388)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.

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  (360): Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol. http://tfl.nu/p59b
  Replies (2) Good night (620) Bad night (410)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow

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  (727): Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow http://tfl.nu/i1m5
  Replies (4) Good night (433) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack

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  (802): He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack http://tfl.nu/u0hp
  Replies (6) Good night (524) Bad night (793)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro

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  (949): Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro http://tfl.nu/aiuo
  Replies (0) Good night (450) Bad night (273)

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