The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.