Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?

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  (650): Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls? http://tfl.nu/pg74
  Replies (9) Good night (934) Bad night (1575)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool

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  (972): the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool http://tfl.nu/pe2b
  Replies (13) Good night (679) Bad night (1019)
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  (310): View more from California

  I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.

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  (310): I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless. http://tfl.nu/yhaf
  Replies (7) Good night (846) Bad night (2442)
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  (805): View more from California

  NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??

  (805): View more from California

  He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  You should probably go find him.

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  (805): NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be?? (805): He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is. (814): You should probably go find him. http://tfl.nu/673m
  Replies (11) Good night (3159) Bad night (1037)
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  (310): View more from California

  I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't

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  (310): I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't http://tfl.nu/g41b
  Replies (13) Good night (2892) Bad night (1255)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?

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  (225): So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand? http://tfl.nu/cltx
  Replies (4) Good night (1930) Bad night (1628)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap

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  (425): You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap http://tfl.nu/o5dz
  Replies (9) Good night (4614) Bad night (1153)
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  (619): View more from California

  You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.

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  (619): You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer. http://tfl.nu/hqfv
  Replies (2) Good night (2193) Bad night (975)
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  (949): View more from California

  It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.

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  (949): It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his. http://tfl.nu/sru1
  Replies (5) Good night (2457) Bad night (1037)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?

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  (256): this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo? http://tfl.nu/pp0d
  Replies (3) Good night (2123) Bad night (739)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.

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  (319): You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar. http://tfl.nu/ei6k
  Replies (2) Good night (1549) Bad night (918)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.

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  (843): Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco. http://tfl.nu/7zc7
  Replies (6) Good night (1143) Bad night (520)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life

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  (970): I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life http://tfl.nu/g4bg
  Replies (2) Good night (399) Bad night (728)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.

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  (706): Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes. http://tfl.nu/784u
  Replies (3) Good night (1275) Bad night (423)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.

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  (978): The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin. http://tfl.nu/o32d
  Replies (6) Good night (530) Bad night (376)

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