I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize