apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
