Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
