i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you inspire me to be a worse person
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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